it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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