guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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