I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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