i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
