i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
