it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
