Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
