Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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