mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
