I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
