Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize