you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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