That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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