So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
