Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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