even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
