we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
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I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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