i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
