It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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