I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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