I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My ass is underappreciated
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
