Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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