Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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