Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
