Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
