wrigley field is MILF paradise
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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