I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
BRING THE BAGELS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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