Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
