I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
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i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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