things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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