Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
