The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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