dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
