Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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