It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
