We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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