So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
