She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
