I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
