so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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