You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
