can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have already put on my inside pants.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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