Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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