If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the day after is always just damage control
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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