I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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