I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
