If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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