i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
