How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Floor bacon is actually really good
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
