Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
