tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
