it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
