He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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