Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize