what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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