I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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