Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
