I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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