Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
