Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
