So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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