Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
