I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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