Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
