i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
