I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
