Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize