PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
