here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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