shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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