and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
